Needless to say, I think I was a little angry yesterday. But thanks to everyone for your comments and enabling my bad choices i.e. to blog while mad. What good friends you all are! I went to a different Service Canada location when they first opened* this morning. I had to wait 20 minutes but dealt with an extremely nice woman who, even though I had to explain what my document meant (again, aren't they supposed to know this? maybe I expect too much), seemed genuinely interested in helping me. So... thank God for that, and thank you, nice staff person.
Grateful for a mostly positive experience today. At least I'm done with Service Canada again... for now. *Correction by author for yesterday's post: the offices actually open at 8:30 am, not 9-fucking-am, as originally stated. Also, I used "mispleasure" which is obviously not a real word. Ahh, blogging while angry. Clearly, fact and real-word checking goes out the window.
Warning: excessive ranting and profanity straight ahead. Helping my parents with certain government-related processes these past few years, I've had the mispleasure of having to deal with Service Canada on more than one occassion. What is Service Canada, you ask? According to its website:
Service Canada is a federal institution that is part of Employment and Social Development Canada. Service Canada provides Canadians with a single point of access to a wide range of government services and benefits. We are committed to improving services for Canadians by working with partners to provide access to the full range of government services and benefits that Canadians want and need through the Internet, by telephone, in person or by mail.
They would be more accurately described, in my opinion, as:
A federal institution that holds people hostage because they're the ones who issue Old Age Security, administer Canada Pension Plan, and other government benefits... so unless you do what they say, when they say it, and exactly how they tell you, you're totally and utterly fucked.
"Single point of access"? Got that right. Try: "You have to come to us because we don't accept anything by mail or email" (contrary to what it says on its website). Where are we located? At several inconvenient locations. What time are we open? Monday to Friday, during the exact time you will be scheduled to work - and actually, for a shorter period of time than you're normally ever at work. Because, that's right, we're paid more to work less than you do.
You can try calling, but we won't let you talk to anyone... literally. The last few times I've tried zeroing out to an operator, the automated service essentially says, "Our call volume is too high so we're not taking any more calls and won't be transferring your call. Get fucked." (I'm paraphrasing of course, but this is pretty close.) Come to think of it, that's pretty much their M.O. for everything. Needing to provide them with a certified copy of, let's just call it, "stuff to do with dad's death", I was required to pay them another in-person visit. Naturally, I make arrangements to do so and arrive at one of their offices 15 minutes prior to their extremely inconvenient closing time of 4-fucking-pm (did I mention they only open at 9-fucking-am? I'm sure I should not be surprised, but still... WTF, government?). I wait in line and eventually am seen by the slack-jawed government-lifer moron with a pension behind the counter only to be told, "We can't see you today." Excerpt of ensuing conversation... Me: "Uh, wait a second. I'm here before closing, and you're telling me you can't help me?" Moron: "We have lots of people waiting." Me: "I see that. I'm willing to wait." Moron: "Can you come back tomorrow?" Stupidly, I make an attempt and say, "No." Moron: "Oh. Well... we can't help you today."
Replace "this town" with "Service Canada" and this was pretty much me today.
And I wish this was a different and uniquely poor experience, but each and every single FUCKING TIME I have paid Service Canada a visit, there is always something that goes similarly wrong. I've waited more than an hour to be seen. I've been told to return with different paperwork even though it's what they previously asked for. I've had to explain what I'd been told over the phone to the person at the fucking in-person location WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING IN ORDER TO HELP ME EVEN THOUGH IT'S THEIR JOB TO KNOW. I swear, could a government office get any more... like... GOVERNMENT?? But for the love of all that is holy, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. These make-work offices need to stop wasting taxpayers' money and time. STOP HOLDING PENSIONERS AND WORKING CLASS CITIZENS HOSTAGE. Getting help from this highly inaccessible office upon which SO MANY PEOPLE DEPEND is one of the most frustrating experiences I have ever encountered. AND I WORK IN POLICY, for fuck's sake! So as I try and calm down, I have to remind myself: doing this for mom and dad. I hate it, but I'm doing it. And yes, I could have chosen a healthy option to release this anger - you know, like running - but instead, I'm ranting online and eating a fucking nanaimo bar. Because I'm only human. And, as I'm too mad to make good choices right now and since, you know, I have access to my own blog, sugar and online f-bombs it is. End rant.
There's always next time, right Service Canada? Excuse me a moment...
When I look back on the four marathons I've already run, I have fond memories. Some were good (Victoria, Kelowna), one was okay (Surrey) and one was unexpected in so many ways (Saint John). In my personal view, running the marathon itself is the best part. It's the part that's the most fun. It's the climax to 18 weeks or more of intense training - an epitomization, in many ways, of the work one has put in to get ready for a singular moment: crossing that finish line after running 42.2 km. Training for those marathons, on the other hand, is - and others might disagree with me on this point - well, less fun. It's the work. I mean, who likes to do work, am I right? Yes, it's necessary. Absolutely. But some days, and because it's "necessary", it can feel "mandatory"... which, frankly, can suck the joy right out of running. Knowing these things, having been in this position before, I've taken a more relaxed approach to training for number five. My overall attitude: work hard but, if certain things don't work out? Ah well! Illness, injury, work, family, busy-ness, overall malaise, life in general... shit happens. What I've come to know is this: worrying excessively about how well I'm marathon training on top of being stressed over life can be brutal. If I think I'm not doing enough, running enough, not being fast enough, not eating well enough - it makes me feel bad. It makes me think I'm a failure. So guess what? I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna remind myself that no, I'm not perfect, but I'm trying - really hard. And then I'm gonna take the small wins every day because, really, what else is there? We, as individuals, need to celebrate our own accomplishments and recognize, ourselves, when we've done a good job. We can't rely on others to do that for us; that confidence has to come from within, no? When I was running number three in Saint John, because it was such a small marathon, there were huge stretches of distance where I would be all by myself. And it wasn't a great race for me as I was undertrained and did not pace well at all. Being alone out there, it would have been so easy to just give up, to stop completely. I only had myself - and my thoughts - to rely on. Long story short, I struggled. But I made it. My dad had this relaxed way about himself, and living life. I think it irritated my mom sometimes, who has always been a little more high strung (guess that's where my personality comes from). When I get stressed, I ought to think to myself: "What would my dad do?" Probably have a rest. Play some guitar. Watch some TV. And basically, chill the fuck out, a little.
Fans of the TV show This Is Us will certainly remember this conversation between Miguel and Kevin. Also, if you're not watching this show, you totes need to be. (GIF cred: TV Fanatic)
I reflect on this this weekend, as I've not been feeling well the past few days, and woke up this morning to more snow (g*ddamnit, Mother Nature! Bitch got problems), so decided to give myself a break from my long run. Does that worry me? A little bit. But I know I've also got to get over it - pick my battles, and have a better week this week. That's all I can do. Be kind to yourselves, friends. Enjoy your Sunday.
You may remember me presenting this old formula: run 32 km. Instantly feel better about yourself and life in general. While I only did about a third of that distance today, it sure went a long way to restoring some balance in my life at a time that feels very unbalanced. After running four marathons and nearly finishing a graduate degree as a 'mature' student, the thing in my life that remains the most challenging is dealing with a difficult family member. I know mine is not an isolated issue. Everyone has a mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, etc. they don't get along with. And the degree to which relationships are strained varies; it may be a minor annoyance, ranging to outright estrangement. Having to deal with difficult family is exhausting, but it's also an opportunity to learn, or perhaps, re-learn, lessons about one's self. Do I think this particular family member is a terrible person? Absolutely. No question. But there's no changing her. The only person I can control is myself. Today's run helped me remember what I feel is important, and how I want to aspire to live my life - specifically, one that is filled with gratitude, kindness, and humility. I want to be more accepting of others' situations, and understand that not everyone may believe or feel the same as I do; this doesn't mean they're wrong, but that they have a different perspective and outlook on the world. I want to remember, always, that everyone is dealing with their own challenges in life and that, sometimes, they may not have the capacity or ability to be the best version of themselves. When that happens, they might need time or space to just be. If I've hurt someone for any reason, I want to be able to say, "I'm sorry." And not only do I want to be able to say it, but I alsowant to really, truly mean it. Most importantly, I never want anyone to feel that they owe me anything, just because I've done something nice for them. Gestures of kindness should be unconditional - done because one wants to, not because they expect anything in return. As Amanda Fucking Palmer said on her epic multimedia blog post about TED 2014, BIL 2014 and #NINJAvan which all took place in Vancouver last week: "BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER." All I can say to that is: WORD.
Today's run: 10 km. Weather: cloudy, cool, light showers. Feeling prior to run: exhausted, emotionally drained and devoid of energy. Feeling post-run: better. That's all I could have asked for.
Christmas is nearly here and, if you're like me, you're probably feeling a little terrorized by the Blerch right about now. Here's what I've been doing lately to try and keep my fat little cherub buddy at bay. Cycling = Torture I've had a teensy bit of a cold this past week but wanted to remain active, so I opted for some light indoor cross training. Although I have access to both upright and recumbent bikes in my apartment building, I have to say: I hate them both. I've never much enjoyed cycling. There was a time in my teens, when I took up mountain biking for about a year, mostly because my brother was into it and I wanted to give it a try. But I didn't really see the appeal then, and I still feel the same today. However, I will concede this: cycling is a good workout. Even the stationary bikes kick my butt every time. It's obvious that cycling is not my sport of choice, but for a bit of cross training action it's a good option. What do you do to cross train? The Weather Outside is... Quite Nice, Actually After a week and a half of being plunged into a deep freeze, the west coast settled back into its normal, rainy and temperate self. I went out for an 8 km run this morning to get a bit of fresh air and try and pre-empt the turkey-shaped muffin top that is bound to make an appearance in the next day or so. I also experimented a bit with the panorama settings on my camera phone - check it out.
Along the False Creek seawall
English Bay
My Holiday Running Wardrobe is Sorely Lacking When getting ready for today's run, I had a sudden urge to adorn myself with a Santa hat. Sadly, I don't own one! Note to self: make sure to get a Santa hat for next year's holiday running. Regardless of what festivities or religion you subscribe to, from Five by 35, I wish you all the best this holiday season! Stay happy and healthy out there, my friends.
I spent nearly five hours reviewing macroeconomicsproblems in preparation for an online assignment which is quickly coming due. When I finally attempted the assignment, I still ended up with a less than stellar test score. All I wanted to do was throw my laptop off the balcony. So frustrating!
It's days like this where I really wish I could just lift something insanely heavy, over and over again, and have a trainer to run my ass into the ground until I can no longer breathe. Seriously. Ahh, those were the days. Sadly, Crossfit is not a budget-conscious endeavour and is certainly not something to undertake when earnings are nil. But I do miss it from time to time ... which may be a bit surprising if you've met me because I'm pretty little and probably not the first person that might come to mind when it comes to weightlifting. I really was frustrated today though and, in the absence of such an intense workout, I had to do something but hadonly a limited amount of time. What to do? Solution: run super fast on the treadmill for five to 10 minutes. And then do, like, a million squats. Might not be much, but I certainly felt better afterwards. And no laptops were harmed in the process.
